supermeme!

1. Which celebrity would you like to meet and why?
uh. hmm. javier barden. james mcavoy. daniel day-lewis. cate blanchett. viggo mortensen. to see where they get their secrets for being amazing

2. What do you do before bedtime?
usually i read

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
i've thought of multiple dream weddings. i now have yet another setting in mind

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
the city of my dreams is the country.

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
depends. i'm extroverted about everythin but what i care about most of the time

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
being loved. loving someone at least in my case isn't a blessing. it's a given

7. Do you trust easily?
no

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
brood and simmer. as per usual. or i try to be bff with her because for some reason that always makes it easier for me to deal with

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
feeling ignored

10. Do you have a good body-image?
more or less. now get me on the topic of my face and i'll start bitching

11. Is being tagged fun?
no. i don't like running

12. What websites do you visit daily?
my two emails, two public profiles, and three blogs...yikes

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
hard to say. they're all so dear

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
nobody tagged me, i stole this

15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head?
"it wasn't me" by shaggy hahaha

16. What’s your favorite item of clothing?
my supershorts, when they're ironed

17. What's better: to give or to receive?
give. especially when they really appreciate it. seeing somebody get that slow smile is the best

18. What's the first thing you notice in people?
their face. everything about it.

19: Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
if it was cool with my boyfriend. haha which i know it would be

20: What were your parents going to name you if you'd been born the opposite gender?
they weren't, i was a surprise

Timeline

I stood on the sun as I stared at the past
Wondering where on the line we lived last
And carefully looking I discovered the place
Where I had sunk into negative space
We stood in the room as the black night drove in
Knowing between us existed no sin
And it was so dark that I couldn't see you
Though I knew that your eyes were the most brilliant blue
Still the shadows crept closer and filled me with doubt
And all I could think of was how to get out
Because I felt sure that I knew what you'd say
Yet I wanted so badly to make myself stay
Ellipsis on your lips as I wished there was more
My heart exploded as I ran for the door
And if I could go back and relive that night
I'd set us afire and bathe us in light
I'd burn away even the deepest of dark
And refine everything that I hid in my heart
But though I stand here and I look at the line
There is nothing in me that can turn around time
Pangaea's been broken and the ocean is vast
Where are you going with those blue eyes downcast

auntie

I am officially an aunt!! Geoff's son was born this morning at 5:20 am. He was 6 ounds, 9 ounces, and his name is Lucian James Simmons! I love the name! So now there is Geoff, his wife Star, stepson Blaze, and son Lucian...it's a regular cosmic family! Hooray!!

lullaby

i know that in the end the last should come first but here i am tangled up in the dirt with the tears running through my hair like little rivers and everyone is staring at me as i shiver because i am pretending that this hard old ground is the same thing as my half-empty bed and i close my eyes as i lock my fingers around my head and try to rub out all the years that i spent wishing that you were here in my bed of earth too and it was never meant to be a grave but a cradle to share and i did everything i could to convince you that you belonged there and i don't know if it was love if only one of us cared but nobody knows how many lullabies i sang as the cries i heard pour from your mouth and your eyes rang out like gunshots in the night and maybe it was the way that i prayed over you holding your body by mine for the times that you weren't a lover but a child and i tried to draw out your pain with my hands but i guess i failed because you were the one that stood when i fell and you left me lying there contented at last with my name on your lips as the one who had plagued you so you opened your mouth and let it fly out and if it ever comes to mind again you'll only push it away yet remember before you go my son that whatever you gained you gained from my love

HAAAY

I haven't posted on here in a long time, mainly because I can't figure out how to edit posts on here so that they're private, which sucks and makes me mad enough to say screw blogger.

However, I am back, and so must discuss what's the haps with my life I guess (if anyone cares). Anyway, so I don't work at Chili's anymore, which is too bad because I was really starting to figure out the best ways to make money, and was having some fun. Damn you Tropical Sunrise margarita!! Oh well. Need to get a better job now anyway, once I have saved up three grand I will be posting my name down on the waitlist at the Links. Then I'll have another month or two to wait, which equals another one to two thousand dollars saved. The key here is to get a job that is not a load of crap since my rent will be about six hundred a month. And I'll live in Canton. On the upside, the apartments are brand new and tricked out with amenities up the kazoo. And living by myself means bills are small. So whoop.

What else has happened. I finally managed to dump my asshole boyfriend, which is super good, considering I'd tried like five times to do it already but he always would cry and make me feel bad. But then I decided that he was such a huge douche that he could go ahead and cry if he wanted and I wouldn't really care. Harsh but true. I got tired of being screamed at and called filthy names until I was a blubbering mass of goo. And chased around the house and shoved this and that way. And not allowed to speak to my friends or leave my house. And had to provide for his every need and whim or be guilted until I felt like a walking piece of shit. What an asshole. Jeezus. Also he couldn't understand what I was talking about most of the time because he had about half my IQ and ran over me when I tried to speak. Never get peer pressured into dating a needy psycho, my friends. Though it's a tough rule to follow because at the beginning you never can tell they're needy psychos. Thus, just don't ever date anyone.

Nowadays I spend a lot of time hanging out. I play a lot of cards. I watch a lot of movies. I sleep for twelve hours a day. It's been very very good. I see at least one person I'd like to see every day. I eat a lot of ice cream. Life is good.

My weekend has been a little nuts. I was awake from six am Friday morning till six am Sunday morning. Thirteen of those forty-eight hours I was partying. I survived on bursts of adrenaline and cigarettes. Sweet sweet life. I just woke up an hour ago after a nice solid thirteen hour nap.

I have two exams tomorrow, algebra and document formatting, neither of which I'm all that worried about. My grades in algebra vary from 92 to 105, so I figure I need like a...what...80 on the exam to keep an A? I pulled that number out my ass but it's got to be something like that. And in the computer class my grade range from 100 to 108 so I think that one is prolly on lock.

But anyway, whoever you are reading this, give me a call soon because I want to hang out with you, drink with you, play poker with you, build puzzles with you, have coffee with you, or whatever else it is that you like to do. And I totally miss you.

Tin Man

And this is what you've failed to see
Your father's coffin pulls on me
Your eyes, a boy just turned fifteen
They fall down to the floor and bleed

Ears deafened to the hymns they sing
Your mother twists her wedding ring
You're so far away you're smiling
As if it hadn't changed a thing

But then your vision comes back clear
And you are standing lonely here
Remaining so for six more years
Heart awash in unshed tears

Until the dam is broken down
And rages six feet underground
You're left for dead and hollowed out
A tin man standing empty now

But my dear, I too know death
I've clutched the blood unto my chest
And willed it life with every breath
I cursed whomever called me blessed

Yet for the one that I love best
To give you life, I give you this:
My heart beats inside your breast
So keep your eyes on me, and rest.

life as a house