Friday, May 23, 2008
lullaby
i know that in the end the last should come first but here i am tangled up in the dirt with the tears running through my hair like little rivers and everyone is staring at me as i shiver because i am pretending that this hard old ground is the same thing as my half-empty bed and i close my eyes as i lock my fingers around my head and try to rub out all the years that i spent wishing that you were here in my bed of earth too and it was never meant to be a grave but a cradle to share and i did everything i could to convince you that you belonged there and i don't know if it was love if only one of us cared but nobody knows how many lullabies i sang as the cries i heard pour from your mouth and your eyes rang out like gunshots in the night and maybe it was the way that i prayed over you holding your body by mine for the times that you weren't a lover but a child and i tried to draw out your pain with my hands but i guess i failed because you were the one that stood when i fell and you left me lying there contented at last with my name on your lips as the one who had plagued you so you opened your mouth and let it fly out and if it ever comes to mind again you'll only push it away yet remember before you go my son that whatever you gained you gained from my love
Sunday, May 11, 2008
HAAAY
I haven't posted on here in a long time, mainly because I can't figure out how to edit posts on here so that they're private, which sucks and makes me mad enough to say screw blogger.
However, I am back, and so must discuss what's the haps with my life I guess (if anyone cares). Anyway, so I don't work at Chili's anymore, which is too bad because I was really starting to figure out the best ways to make money, and was having some fun. Damn you Tropical Sunrise margarita!! Oh well. Need to get a better job now anyway, once I have saved up three grand I will be posting my name down on the waitlist at the Links. Then I'll have another month or two to wait, which equals another one to two thousand dollars saved. The key here is to get a job that is not a load of crap since my rent will be about six hundred a month. And I'll live in Canton. On the upside, the apartments are brand new and tricked out with amenities up the kazoo. And living by myself means bills are small. So whoop.
What else has happened. I finally managed to dump my asshole boyfriend, which is super good, considering I'd tried like five times to do it already but he always would cry and make me feel bad. But then I decided that he was such a huge douche that he could go ahead and cry if he wanted and I wouldn't really care. Harsh but true. I got tired of being screamed at and called filthy names until I was a blubbering mass of goo. And chased around the house and shoved this and that way. And not allowed to speak to my friends or leave my house. And had to provide for his every need and whim or be guilted until I felt like a walking piece of shit. What an asshole. Jeezus. Also he couldn't understand what I was talking about most of the time because he had about half my IQ and ran over me when I tried to speak. Never get peer pressured into dating a needy psycho, my friends. Though it's a tough rule to follow because at the beginning you never can tell they're needy psychos. Thus, just don't ever date anyone.
Nowadays I spend a lot of time hanging out. I play a lot of cards. I watch a lot of movies. I sleep for twelve hours a day. It's been very very good. I see at least one person I'd like to see every day. I eat a lot of ice cream. Life is good.
My weekend has been a little nuts. I was awake from six am Friday morning till six am Sunday morning. Thirteen of those forty-eight hours I was partying. I survived on bursts of adrenaline and cigarettes. Sweet sweet life. I just woke up an hour ago after a nice solid thirteen hour nap.
I have two exams tomorrow, algebra and document formatting, neither of which I'm all that worried about. My grades in algebra vary from 92 to 105, so I figure I need like a...what...80 on the exam to keep an A? I pulled that number out my ass but it's got to be something like that. And in the computer class my grade range from 100 to 108 so I think that one is prolly on lock.
But anyway, whoever you are reading this, give me a call soon because I want to hang out with you, drink with you, play poker with you, build puzzles with you, have coffee with you, or whatever else it is that you like to do. And I totally miss you.
However, I am back, and so must discuss what's the haps with my life I guess (if anyone cares). Anyway, so I don't work at Chili's anymore, which is too bad because I was really starting to figure out the best ways to make money, and was having some fun. Damn you Tropical Sunrise margarita!! Oh well. Need to get a better job now anyway, once I have saved up three grand I will be posting my name down on the waitlist at the Links. Then I'll have another month or two to wait, which equals another one to two thousand dollars saved. The key here is to get a job that is not a load of crap since my rent will be about six hundred a month. And I'll live in Canton. On the upside, the apartments are brand new and tricked out with amenities up the kazoo. And living by myself means bills are small. So whoop.
What else has happened. I finally managed to dump my asshole boyfriend, which is super good, considering I'd tried like five times to do it already but he always would cry and make me feel bad. But then I decided that he was such a huge douche that he could go ahead and cry if he wanted and I wouldn't really care. Harsh but true. I got tired of being screamed at and called filthy names until I was a blubbering mass of goo. And chased around the house and shoved this and that way. And not allowed to speak to my friends or leave my house. And had to provide for his every need and whim or be guilted until I felt like a walking piece of shit. What an asshole. Jeezus. Also he couldn't understand what I was talking about most of the time because he had about half my IQ and ran over me when I tried to speak. Never get peer pressured into dating a needy psycho, my friends. Though it's a tough rule to follow because at the beginning you never can tell they're needy psychos. Thus, just don't ever date anyone.
Nowadays I spend a lot of time hanging out. I play a lot of cards. I watch a lot of movies. I sleep for twelve hours a day. It's been very very good. I see at least one person I'd like to see every day. I eat a lot of ice cream. Life is good.
My weekend has been a little nuts. I was awake from six am Friday morning till six am Sunday morning. Thirteen of those forty-eight hours I was partying. I survived on bursts of adrenaline and cigarettes. Sweet sweet life. I just woke up an hour ago after a nice solid thirteen hour nap.
I have two exams tomorrow, algebra and document formatting, neither of which I'm all that worried about. My grades in algebra vary from 92 to 105, so I figure I need like a...what...80 on the exam to keep an A? I pulled that number out my ass but it's got to be something like that. And in the computer class my grade range from 100 to 108 so I think that one is prolly on lock.
But anyway, whoever you are reading this, give me a call soon because I want to hang out with you, drink with you, play poker with you, build puzzles with you, have coffee with you, or whatever else it is that you like to do. And I totally miss you.
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