HAAAY

I haven't posted on here in a long time, mainly because I can't figure out how to edit posts on here so that they're private, which sucks and makes me mad enough to say screw blogger.

However, I am back, and so must discuss what's the haps with my life I guess (if anyone cares). Anyway, so I don't work at Chili's anymore, which is too bad because I was really starting to figure out the best ways to make money, and was having some fun. Damn you Tropical Sunrise margarita!! Oh well. Need to get a better job now anyway, once I have saved up three grand I will be posting my name down on the waitlist at the Links. Then I'll have another month or two to wait, which equals another one to two thousand dollars saved. The key here is to get a job that is not a load of crap since my rent will be about six hundred a month. And I'll live in Canton. On the upside, the apartments are brand new and tricked out with amenities up the kazoo. And living by myself means bills are small. So whoop.

What else has happened. I finally managed to dump my asshole boyfriend, which is super good, considering I'd tried like five times to do it already but he always would cry and make me feel bad. But then I decided that he was such a huge douche that he could go ahead and cry if he wanted and I wouldn't really care. Harsh but true. I got tired of being screamed at and called filthy names until I was a blubbering mass of goo. And chased around the house and shoved this and that way. And not allowed to speak to my friends or leave my house. And had to provide for his every need and whim or be guilted until I felt like a walking piece of shit. What an asshole. Jeezus. Also he couldn't understand what I was talking about most of the time because he had about half my IQ and ran over me when I tried to speak. Never get peer pressured into dating a needy psycho, my friends. Though it's a tough rule to follow because at the beginning you never can tell they're needy psychos. Thus, just don't ever date anyone.

Nowadays I spend a lot of time hanging out. I play a lot of cards. I watch a lot of movies. I sleep for twelve hours a day. It's been very very good. I see at least one person I'd like to see every day. I eat a lot of ice cream. Life is good.

My weekend has been a little nuts. I was awake from six am Friday morning till six am Sunday morning. Thirteen of those forty-eight hours I was partying. I survived on bursts of adrenaline and cigarettes. Sweet sweet life. I just woke up an hour ago after a nice solid thirteen hour nap.

I have two exams tomorrow, algebra and document formatting, neither of which I'm all that worried about. My grades in algebra vary from 92 to 105, so I figure I need like a...what...80 on the exam to keep an A? I pulled that number out my ass but it's got to be something like that. And in the computer class my grade range from 100 to 108 so I think that one is prolly on lock.

But anyway, whoever you are reading this, give me a call soon because I want to hang out with you, drink with you, play poker with you, build puzzles with you, have coffee with you, or whatever else it is that you like to do. And I totally miss you.

Tin Man

And this is what you've failed to see
Your father's coffin pulls on me
Your eyes, a boy just turned fifteen
They fall down to the floor and bleed

Ears deafened to the hymns they sing
Your mother twists her wedding ring
You're so far away you're smiling
As if it hadn't changed a thing

But then your vision comes back clear
And you are standing lonely here
Remaining so for six more years
Heart awash in unshed tears

Until the dam is broken down
And rages six feet underground
You're left for dead and hollowed out
A tin man standing empty now

But my dear, I too know death
I've clutched the blood unto my chest
And willed it life with every breath
I cursed whomever called me blessed

Yet for the one that I love best
To give you life, I give you this:
My heart beats inside your breast
So keep your eyes on me, and rest.

life as a house

So I've been stricken with the plague. Acute tendinitis in my right wrist, so my hand of choice is currently wrapped up in a brace. The restriction of movement is even more annoying than I thought it would be. Also, I stepped on glass Thursday night so I've got a big ol' gash on my left foot that I got to walk around on all yesterday and again today. And some kind of weird hive/welt/rash on my neck that itches and burns whenever my bloody lanyard is around my neck. Which is whenever I am at work.

Worked a double yesterday. Made a hundred dollars =/ My feet still hurt. Tonight is going to be a fucking zoo though on account of Jackson State homecoming. Even worse than yesterday. Lots of impossible to please young bastards that think a good tip is a dollar per person. I for one am not looking forward to busting ass for fifty bucks. Maybe I should call in and say my ass got attacked by the birds and the rest of my body is continuing to deteriorate. Umph.

I'm so goddamn bored around here. All I talk about is work so lemme see if anything interesting happened, if not to me, then at least in my general vicinity. Hmm...Melissa came back to Logan's, then quit again. Kid had surgery on his ass, but the pain pills they gave him are nada mucho. Will is advertising for the business at a car show today.

Nothing at all has happened to me lately. My life is so incredibly boring. I need more friends.

so here's a non-emo post.

got kicked out of my house the other day. wandered in a few days later and it was like nothing ever happened.

i have a cold sore and it's really pissing me off.

having a caribou lou party at my place tuesday or wednesday night. if you're reading this then you're invited. i'm totally serious. 151 rum, pineapple juice and malibu caribou baby. and much, much more. be there, or suck.

i think i might actually like a guy. what the fuck is that about. that never happens to me. usually a prick convinces me to date him and i fall in love with no intermittent 'like' stage. but yea. probably not happening anyway.

what do you do when you have nothing to live for?

do you just keep drudging through your empty and colorless life hoping that a purpose will appear and find you?

what do you do when you live for love and have none?

not for any person or any thing?

when you are utterly and entirely empty?

do you give up?

do you die?

is it really life if it has no meaning?

am i already dead?

narcissistic asshole

You ruined my life, you hateful, lying, despicable old man.